I read this morning on Facebook. A quote by writer Lailly Daolio that led me to some reflections I'd like to share with you. The feeling of missing is one of the most ardent feelings we experience in our lives. We miss a loved one, a friend, a parent, or a child, but we also miss countries and places, situations and feelings. Is it a sense of belonging? Yes, what we miss is certainly part of our life and our existence. It was or is.
The feeling of emptiness generated by missing helps us understand the strength of a feeling and the value a person has in our lives. Family-related misses are self-explanatory: undoubtedly, the loss of a child or a parent are very strong feelings that we all experience for good reasons—a departure or a trip—and for less good reasons—a bereavement or a separation due to events, a voluntary separation of one party—in any case, it is a loss. The loss of a loved one is intense and wonderful. A partner away for work might mark us. But also a lover we can't see or hear. We miss the person who decided to end our life together. Equally important is the loss of places—where we lived or where we were born—or feelings and situations—the lack of love, friendship, or a sense of family.
How can we live with this sense of emptiness generated by loss? Clearly, it depends on the situation. If we talk about the loss of a deceased person, we must necessarily feel pain and then let go of this feeling. The person who is no longer with us has left something very important in our life if we come to miss them, so let's not forget the beautiful moments we shared. Every now and then, let's take refuge in those memories, in their words, their teachings, or their embraces, but let's do it with a smile and not with the pain of no longer having them. I quote this quote from Saint Augustine that I love very much: "Let us not despair for having lost a loved one, but rejoice for having had them.”
If we miss a family member because they decided to end the relationship—unfortunately, this also happens This—then we owe it to ourselves to process this abandonment and then let go of all the anxiety, fear, and anger associated with it. Negative feelings don't make us feel good, nor do they bring us back to that broken relationship. Let's avoid crowding our minds with questions about how it's possible for a father to abandon a son or a mother to leave a struggling daughter. We will never be able to know the nuances of that person's mind. What we can do is love ourselves, seek contact initially—especially because it will make us feel like we've tried everything—and then dedicate ourselves to our own happiness. Happiness exists even without those people. It exists if we want it strongly, if we cultivate it, if we seek it in those around us. In most situations, we become too focused on understanding why that relationship ended, and we lose sight of the wonder and gifts that life has given us: a person who loves us, a child, health, the magic of emotions.
And now we come to love. Missing a loved one is the first step to understanding that person has true value for us, that they belong to us. We miss their looks, their words, their messages, their smile, their caresses and hugs. We miss them and find them in every song, in every movie, in every word we read in a book. That's right, it's part of love. What can we do? We should rejoice if this feeling is part of a relationship that works and that doesn't let us miss the feeling of being the most loved person in the world. Even if the loss creates a void, the awareness of being part of a whole with the other person should make us feel good. Especially if we know—and we always know—that the other person misses us too. Let's think back to that last hug or kiss and stay there for a while...smiling and enjoying those wonderful sensations. This helps us overcome the loss until the next hug. If the relationship isn't reciprocated, we need a change of attitude, a good turnaround, and we can start again. Let's not stop where there's no happiness for us. It's unfair to ourselves and to the life we've been given. We don't deserve unhappiness, and we must always feel true and sincere love in our lives. The kind that overwhelms you and fills you with unexpected emotions. The kind that makes you wake up in the morning thinking of the person you love and knowing they're thinking of you. The kind that keeps you physically distant but united in heart and soul. If this isn't there, that journey isn't for us. We need to get off the train and do it as soon as possible, before the right one can pass by us without stopping.
Love gone. This is very complicated. Here, we need to regain all the strength necessary to be able to love ourselves enough to understand that that story is over and we can't hold on to an idea that belongs to the past. The end of a marriage, a cohabitation, an engagement, or even a simple relationship isn't a failure. It's important to keep this firmly in mind because it's the first obstacle we impose on ourselves. We've spent a part of our lives together with that person, but now it's time to close and move on. Missing someone, especially in long-term relationships, is often dictated by habit. Not setting the table for that person anymore makes you feel empty, just like not seeing the toothbrush in the glass or not having someone to plan your Sunday with. Missing a goodnight kiss or the complicity in preparing breakfast in the morning is a loss. Missing the daily phone call and the chat before bed. Often, this is what's missing. An idea of family, of a couple, of shared daily life. But this isn't love. Love is missing the breaths, kisses, hugs, smiles, gestures, and words that only that person could give you. Talk to yourself: if the emotions are missing and the love is no longer reciprocated, you know what to do; If, on the other hand, you're missing daily routines, then work on your habits and incorporate new ones into your life. The first few days are difficult, but give yourself a month or so, and you'll find yourself setting the table, counting the right number of guests, without even thinking about who's missing. The idea of love and happiness shared with another person can be rebuilt with something new. But we must be ready to welcome it...
And finally, if you're missing places and countries near or far, well, go... take a trip to recapture the wonderful emotions they bring you, or move if you think your life could be better elsewhere.
