Missing is already belonging

I read this morning on Facebook. A quote by writer Lailly Daolio that led me to some reflections I'd like to share with you. The feeling of missing is one of the most ardent feelings we experience in our lives. We miss a loved one, a friend, a parent, or a child, but we also miss countries and places, situations and feelings. Is it a sense of belonging? Yes, what we miss is certainly part of our life and our existence. It was or is.

The feeling of emptiness generated by missing helps us understand the strength of a feeling and the value a person has in our lives. Family-related misses are self-explanatory: undoubtedly, the loss of a child or a parent are very strong feelings that we all experience for good reasons—a departure or a trip—and for less good reasons—a bereavement or a separation due to events, a voluntary separation of one party—in any case, it is a loss. The loss of a loved one is intense and wonderful. A partner away for work might mark us. But also a lover we can't see or hear. We miss the person who decided to end our life together. Equally important is the loss of places—where we lived or where we were born—or feelings and situations—the lack of love, friendship, or a sense of family.

How can we live with this sense of emptiness generated by loss? Clearly, it depends on the situation. If we talk about the loss of a deceased person, we must necessarily feel pain and then let go of this feeling. The person who is no longer with us has left something very important in our life if we come to miss them, so let's not forget the beautiful moments we shared. Every now and then, let's take refuge in those memories, in their words, their teachings, or their embraces, but let's do it with a smile and not with the pain of no longer having them. I quote this quote from Saint Augustine that I love very much: "Let us not despair for having lost a loved one, but rejoice for having had them.”

If we miss a family member because they decided to end the relationship—unfortunately, this also happens This—then we owe it to ourselves to process this abandonment and then let go of all the anxiety, fear, and anger associated with it. Negative feelings don't make us feel good, nor do they bring us back to that broken relationship. Let's avoid crowding our minds with questions about how it's possible for a father to abandon a son or a mother to leave a struggling daughter. We will never be able to know the nuances of that person's mind. What we can do is love ourselves, seek contact initially—especially because it will make us feel like we've tried everything—and then dedicate ourselves to our own happiness. Happiness exists even without those people. It exists if we want it strongly, if we cultivate it, if we seek it in those around us. In most situations, we become too focused on understanding why that relationship ended, and we lose sight of the wonder and gifts that life has given us: a person who loves us, a child, health, the magic of emotions.

And now we come to love. Missing a loved one is the first step to understanding that person has true value for us, that they belong to us. We miss their looks, their words, their messages, their smile, their caresses and hugs. We miss them and find them in every song, in every movie, in every word we read in a book. That's right, it's part of love. What can we do? We should rejoice if this feeling is part of a relationship that works and that doesn't let us miss the feeling of being the most loved person in the world. Even if the loss creates a void, the awareness of being part of a whole with the other person should make us feel good. Especially if we know—and we always know—that the other person misses us too. Let's think back to that last hug or kiss and stay there for a while...smiling and enjoying those wonderful sensations. This helps us overcome the loss until the next hug. If the relationship isn't reciprocated, we need a change of attitude, a good turnaround, and we can start again. Let's not stop where there's no happiness for us. It's unfair to ourselves and to the life we've been given. We don't deserve unhappiness, and we must always feel true and sincere love in our lives. The kind that overwhelms you and fills you with unexpected emotions. The kind that makes you wake up in the morning thinking of the person you love and knowing they're thinking of you. The kind that keeps you physically distant but united in heart and soul. If this isn't there, that journey isn't for us. We need to get off the train and do it as soon as possible, before the right one can pass by us without stopping.

Love gone. This is very complicated. Here, we need to regain all the strength necessary to be able to love ourselves enough to understand that that story is over and we can't hold on to an idea that belongs to the past. The end of a marriage, a cohabitation, an engagement, or even a simple relationship isn't a failure. It's important to keep this firmly in mind because it's the first obstacle we impose on ourselves. We've spent a part of our lives together with that person, but now it's time to close and move on. Missing someone, especially in long-term relationships, is often dictated by habit. Not setting the table for that person anymore makes you feel empty, just like not seeing the toothbrush in the glass or not having someone to plan your Sunday with. Missing a goodnight kiss or the complicity in preparing breakfast in the morning is a loss. Missing the daily phone call and the chat before bed. Often, this is what's missing. An idea of family, of a couple, of shared daily life. But this isn't love. Love is missing the breaths, kisses, hugs, smiles, gestures, and words that only that person could give you. Talk to yourself: if the emotions are missing and the love is no longer reciprocated, you know what to do; If, on the other hand, you're missing daily routines, then work on your habits and incorporate new ones into your life. The first few days are difficult, but give yourself a month or so, and you'll find yourself setting the table, counting the right number of guests, without even thinking about who's missing. The idea of love and happiness shared with another person can be rebuilt with something new. But we must be ready to welcome it...

And finally, if you're missing places and countries near or far, well, go... take a trip to recapture the wonderful emotions they bring you, or move if you think your life could be better elsewhere.

Trains are passing many times, not once!

There are trains that are better to take the second time they pass.

They told us many times that trains only come once in a lifetime and, therefore, we took that opportunity when we weren't ready. In this way, we get disappointment, frustration and a bitter memory of a journey that, in another moment, would have been wonderful.

These trains arrive full of hope, of opportunities, of progress for our lives, and letting them pass seems like a luxury that we cannot afford. An unwritten law tells us that if we do so, we are doomed to failure.

Fortunately, this is just the umpteenth result of another of those irrational beliefs that our society has in common, which do nothing but generate anxiety and suffering. We have been taught to pay attention to any passing train that brings us closer to our future, even if the obstacles this entails are greater than the tools we possess in the short term.

Nothing is irreversible

Life is a journey full of trains and, every day, there is a new station where you can choose which of these to take. Decisions in which the sacrifices are as important as the tickets you buy. We often think that if that golden opportunity comes along, and we let it slip away, we won't be able to have another one; this is the result of illogical, unreal thinking.

We live in a world where when one door closes, five open, and when an opportunity is missed, lessons are learned and learned, better ones presented, and so on, throughout our lives. Whatever age you are, therefore, you can continue to bet on changes.

Few things are irreversible, fewer than what we believe. Think about it: if you didn't seize an opportunity because you didn't feel ready, because you didn't realize it was there or because it wasn't the right time, don't worry, because the world doesn't end nor do other trains stop passing by.

We believe that "the love or work of our life" exists, but it is not true: there are loves, people with whom we get along more or less and better or worse jobs, but nothing more than this. The problem is that we believe that our happiness depends on it.

We are the ones who use the qualifier "of my life" and, for this reason, we feel bad when something slips away. You must keep in mind that everyone, absolutely all of us, have missed that "train" at times, but we survived, we learned something and we took the next one, which came full of exciting surprises.

Sometimes we even got to thinking: luckily I let that train pass, because the second one was even better.

Trains returning to the station

These trains you believe have left forever will return to their departure station. Maybe with other passengers on board, maybe with new things to offer you: new routes, different landscapes, but they will certainly come back.

It is important so that you do not fall into demotivation, so that you know that life is cyclical and changeable, that nothing is decisive, that things are not black or white: you get on board or you lose it forever.

You must realize, therefore, that at any moment, in any corner, your train can pass, one of the many that you will take during your life. What is really important is that you are careful and do not give up.

It is essential not to give up, to continue to persevere, to continue knocking on every door, without anything stopping us: neither fear nor age nor limiting thoughts.

Perseverance is the mother of success and what we don't know, in reality, is that we are the trains.

Missing you

“Missing each other is already belonging” I read this morning on Facebook. A quote from the writer Lailly Daolio that led me to some reflections that I would like to share with you.

Feeling of lack

The feeling of lack is one of those we feel most ardently in our lives. We miss a loved one, a friend, a parent or a child but we also miss countries and places, situations and feelings. Is it belonging? Yes, what we are missing is certainly part of our life and our existence. It was or is.

The feeling of emptiness generated by lack makes us understand the strength of a feeling and the value a person has in our life. The shortcomings related to the family are self-explanatory: undoubtedly the absence of a child or a parent are very strong feelings we all feel for good reasons - a departure or a journey - and for less beautiful reasons - mourning or separation due to events, a voluntary separation of one of the parties – in any case it is a shortcoming.

Loss

The loss of the loved one is intense and wonderful. It could mark us a partner away for work but also a lover who we cannot see or hear. The person who decided to interrupt the stretch of life together is missing. Equally important is the lack of places - where we lived or where we were born - or of feelings and situations - lack of love, friendship or sense of family -.

How can we live with this sense of emptiness generated by lack? Of course it depends on the situation. If we talk about the loss of a deceased person we must necessarily feel pain and then let go of this feeling. The person who is no longer with us has left something very important in our lives. If we come to miss them, therefore, let's not forget the beautiful moments we spent together.

Every now and then let's take refuge in those memories, in his words, in his teachings or in his hugs but let's do it with a smile and not with the pain of no longer having them. I quote this phrase from Saint Augustine I love very much: "Let us not despair at having lost a loved one, but let us rejoice at having had them".

If we miss a person in the family because they have decided to end the relationship - unfortunately this also happens - then we owe it to ourselves to metabolize this abandonment and then let go of any feelings of anxiety, fear and anger associated with it. Negative feelings don't make us feel good and don't even bring us back to reconnecting with that finished relationship. Let's avoid crowding our minds with questions about how it is possible for a father to abandon a son or a mother to leave a daughter in difficulty.

We can never know the aspects of that person's mind. What we can do is love each other, seek contact at the beginning - especially because he will make us feel like we have tried everything - and then dedicate ourselves to our happiness. There is happiness even without those people. It exists if we want it strongly, if we cultivate it, if we look for it in what is next to us. In most situations it happens that too focused on understanding why that relationship ended we lose sight of the wonder and gifts that life has given us. A person who loves us, a child, health, the magic of emotions.

Love

And now we come to love. Missing your loved one is the first step to understanding that person has true value for us, they belong to us. We miss her looks, her words, her messages, her smile, her caresses and hugs. We miss her and we find her in every song, in every film, in every word read in a book.

It's like that, it's part of love. What to do? We must rejoice if this feeling is part of a relationship that works and that does not make us miss the feeling of being the most loved person in the world. Even if the lack generates a void, the awareness of being part of one whole with the other person must make us feel good.


Especially if we know – and we always know – that the other person misses us too. Let's think back to the last hug or kiss and stay there for a while... smiling and enjoying those wonderful sensations. This helps us overcome the lack until the next hug.

If the relationship is not reciprocated, we need to change our attitude, a nice turning point and we start again. Let's not stop where there is no happiness for us. It is not fair to ourselves and the life we have been given.

We don't deserve unhappiness and we must always feel true and sincere love in our lives.
The one that overwhelms you and makes you unexpectedly emotional. The one that makes you get up in the morning thinking about the person you love and knowing that they are thinking of you. The one that keeps you physically distant but united in heart and soul.

If this is not there, that journey is not made for us. We have to get off the train and do it as soon as possible, before the right one can pass alongside us without stopping.

The finished love. This is very complicated. Here we need to recover all the strength necessary to be able to love ourselves to the point of understanding that that story is over and we cannot keep ourselves anchored to an idea that belongs to the past. The end of a marriage, a cohabitation, an engagement or a simple relationship is not a failure.

It is important to impress this in our minds because it is the first block we impose on ourselves. We made a piece of life together with that person but now it's time to close and look beyond. The lack, especially in the case of long relationships, is often dictated by habit. No longer setting the table for that person makes you feel empty, just like no longer seeing the toothbrush in the glass or not having a person to organize Sunday with.

The kiss goodnight or the complicity in preparing breakfast in the morning is a lack. Missing the daily phone call and chatting before going to sleep. Well, this is often what's missing. An idea of family, of couple, of shared everyday life. But this is not love. 

Love is missing breaths, kisses, hugs, smiles, gestures and words that only that person could give us. Talk to yourself: if emotions are missing and love is no longer reciprocated, you know what to do; If, however, daily gestures are missing, then work on habits and insert new ones into your life. The first few days are difficult but give yourself a month and you will find yourself setting the table counting the right guests without even thinking about who is missing.

The idea of love and happiness shared with another person can be reconstructed with the new. But we must be ready to welcome it…

Places

And, finally, if you miss places and countries near or far. Well, go... take a trip to recover the wonderful emotions that they give you or move if you think that your life elsewhere could be better.