LET IT GO

Don't go back to where you were happy one day, it's a trap of melancholy, everything will have changed and nothing will be the same as before, not even you.


Don't look for the same landscapes, nor the same people, time plays dirty and will have taken care of destroying everything that once made you happy.


Don't go back to the place where you were happy one day, always keep it in your memory, as it was, but don't go back.


Life goes on and there are new roads to travel… new places to visit and other people waiting for you. ❤️

Chemistry of love

I'm falling in love? It may be, even if it's too early to say, in fact I've only known her for a little over a week and I haven't met yet even though I think about her constantly, and I don't know what her feelings are. But many signals tell me something could be born, I just have to understand if my brain thinks good.

Let's see with this article why we end up falling in love and what determines the state of being in love. After all, it seems to be just a question of chemistry, or maybe not?

Romantic films enchant us, two pigeons cooing on the roof opposite make us stay dreaming at the window, listening to the song of our first kiss in a completely unexpected way can move us, but love - regardless of how much we like to idealize it - does not it is nothing more than a sophisticated form of corruption of which we are all unaware victims.

Anecdotally, love is a matter of the heart. However, the main organ affected by love is actually the brain. Where is love “found” in the brain, and what does it do to our minds and bodies, according to science?

In reality, love in its various typologies (romantic, erotic, maternal) has rarely been the subject of scientific investigation in the past; in part, this may be due to the fact that love has always been the domain of poets and artists; perhaps psychologists and clinicians, but it has certainly not been taken into great consideration in the field of experimental science, i.e. neurobiological research.

Therefore, our knowledge in this field has yet to evolve and only recently has research brought to light detailed information on the molecular and physiological "ingredients" of the phenomenon of love.

The role of dopamine

The passion of love arouses feelings of euphoria and happiness that are often overwhelming and indescribable, because when we fall in love it is as if a chemical storm has been unleashed in the brain.

And the areas that activate in response to these feelings are the regions of the brain that contain high concentrations of a neuromodulator associated with reward, craving, addiction and euphoric states, namely dopamine. Dopamine is released by the hypothalamus, a structure located deep in the brain that serves as a link between the nervous and endocrine systems.

Love is a mutual giving and receiving of something very gratifying and therefore dopamine is produced both when we receive something pleasant from our partner and when we gratify him by transmitting our love to him.

The release of dopamine brings about the sensation of “feeling good” in several respects since dopamine appears to be linked not only to relationship formation but also to sex, which is considered a rewarding and “feel-good” exercise.

Another property of dopamine is that it is initially released only at the moment of excitement, but then the brain gets used to releasing it even before excitement, in anticipation of a hug, a kiss or even the simple presence of a loved one.

The role of serotonin

An increase in dopamine levels is also associated with a decrease in another neurotransmitter, serotonin. In particular, studies have shown a marked reduction in serotonin especially in the early stages of falling in love, just as occurs in patients suffering from obsessive disorders . Love, after all, is a kind of obsession , in its initial stages the thought is incessantly directed towards that single individual, he or she with whom we are falling in love; just as actions and behaviors are directed towards the purpose of getting closer to the partner.

This can therefore give us a "biological" reason why people in love tend to fixate on the object of their affection, narrowing the field of interests and thoughts to very little else.

Furthermore, precisely due to a reduction in serotonin levels, a substance involved in the process of mood regulation, if on the one hand we experience that intense euphoria mentioned above, on the other we are easily candidates for falling prey to anxiety and to sadness if we notice signs of rejection from the desired partner.

The role of nerve growth factor

The initial stages of falling in love also seem to correlate with another substance, nerve growth factor. This was found to be higher in those who have recently fallen in love than in those who are not in this condition or who have had a long-established relationship. A significant correlation was also found between nerve growth factor concentration and intensity of feeling.

The role of other neurotransmitters

Our nervous system also releases norepinephrine, the substance responsible for the physical effects of passion (feeling of heat, sweating, increased heart rate, tremor, insomnia ) which complement the sense of emotion and excitement.

Finally, in love passion, the production of endorphins increases which promote well-being and relaxation in a climate of stability and trust.

The seat of love: the brain areas

In human history we have always tried to identify the part of the body where emotions are formed, but today scientific research has given us the true seats of feelings and emotions. In fact, neuroimaging tools such as MRI (Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging) are used, which help us understand which brain areas are activated when we are in love. Some of these areas are located in the cerebral cortex itself and others are located in subcortical stations. They all make up parts of what is known as the emotional brain.

First we consider the hypothalamus, which we mentioned above in connection with the production of dopamine. Studies conducted on this structure have highlighted that the activation of the hypothalamus occurs both when experiencing feelings of "romantic" love and with sexual excitement, but not when we have feelings of "maternal" love.

An element of great interest was the discovery that these regions have inhibitory connections with other areas of the brain. That is, the frontal cortex, and the amygdala, a structure located at the apex of the temporal lobe.

Therefore we are witnessing the phenomenon whereby an increase in activity in some areas involved in love determines a decrease in activity in other cortical areas, with the consequences that we are going to examine.

Cortical deactivations and suspension of judgment

It is common observation that the all-encompassing passion of love is often accompanied by a suspension of judgment or a relaxation of the criteria of judgment with which we evaluate others. This critical ability is precisely a function of the frontal cortex. Its inactivation explains why, when we are deeply in love, we suspend the critical judgment that we apply in other contexts to evaluate people, situations or our behaviors.

Others are often surprised by certain choices made by those in the early stages of romantic infatuation, finding them irrational and incomprehensible. Indeed, in this particular emotional state, rational judgments are suspended or no longer applied with the same rigor. In this phase of the love story, the partner appears perfect , without defects, the only person to whom one wants to give attention and love.

Nor do moral censorships exist, because the ability to judge in moral matters is also attenuated, since morality is also associated with the activity of the frontal cortex.

The madness of love

Euphoria and suspension of judgment can generate states that other people might interpret as a form of insanity. This is the madness celebrated by poets and artists and certainly the neurological explanations of a deactivation of the brain parts involved in the creation of judgments helps better understand the obvious irrationality of love.

Nietzsche wrote in Thus Spoke Zarathustra: «There is always a little madness in love. But there is always a bit of reason in madness"

This reason is to be found precisely in the patterns of neurobiological activation and deactivation expected in love. These serve a sort of “higher purpose,” which aims to unite (otherwise unlikely) pairs to increase the variability of the species.

However, it should be underlined that if people in love suspend judgment on the people who are the object of their feelings, they do not necessarily suspend judgment in other fields. They might, for example, be perfectly capable of judging the quality of a book or scientific work.

Suspension of judgment, when it comes to love, is selective and acts on a very specific set of brain connections.

The other area of ​​the brain that undergoes a deactivation process during falling in love is the amygdala. A structure that coordinates responses to fear, helping human beings to stay as far away as possible from potentially dangerous situations.

Its deactivation leads to a reduction in responses to fear , with the consequence of putting oneself more easily in risky situations in order to be with the loved one.

But how long does the passion phase last?

According to the most recent studies, this "storm" of chemical transmitters lasts from 12/18 months up to about 3 years.

Then, inevitably, everything returns to normal. Sadly normal for those who need to experience love as an experience that is continually out of the ordinary. Hence the tension towards a new subject who can trigger those mechanisms of well-being, in search of another three years of happiness.

(I am not a doctor, nor a researcher, so much of this article, excluding personal reflections, was collected from the web. If anyone thinks I have broken any copyright rules, please tell me and I will immediately delete the text in question.)

The Second Chance

One of the worst parts of the acceptance of an apology is to decide whether or not we want to give the person who hurt us to have a second chance at life. Everyone deals with conflict differently, and our own experiences accumulated, our ability to forgive and move on.

With the offer of forgiveness or a second chance at life, it's a difficult situation, and it requires responsibility, maturity, and the input of both parties.

It makes sense to focus on your feelings, and if someone is doing something bad, but try to understand the context of the person’s activities to be able to help you in the process. This is not an excuse for them, and that it's not to devalue your feelings, but it also adds a context to their work, but you can make it easier for you to at least try to express empathy and to offer forgiveness or to move in the forward direction.

As hard as it's, the practice of forgiveness and a second chance at life will help you to grow as an individual. Learn how to get to “choose your battles”, it will help you to understand the solving the conflict is well worth the effort.

Life is too short to do all the bad ways of doing this. Of course, the best solution is to, in some cases, walk away, especially when it’s to correct the situation itself may lead to further damage. However, when you have become full of repentance for what it was, giving a person a second chance, can lead to a better outcome.

Think of the times when they were forced to ask for forgiveness or have a second chance at life. Why did you do this? Because it is a second chance at life, a chance to be a better person and develop as a person. If you want others to be able to see this kind of growth potential in you, and you will need to ask them if they can see the potential in the other person.

Try to keep the treatment in a negative situation as a learning opportunity. You can also learn how to avoid negative situations, but you can also learn how to be a better messenger to them-for both the person who you want to be forgiven, and you will be able to meet each other later in life.

An insult is like an emotional anchor. This will make sure that you are in a swimming pool, the negatives, and it drains you emotionally. Forgiveness and a second chance at life to be your wind, and the sails to move forward.

To deny a person a second chance, you have to deny yourself of the peace that comes with forgiveness and moving forward. Free yourself from the burden of it because it is not for you.

Times when it’s Okay to Give a Second Chance

1. If It is More Than Just Love

Not just by anyone, but only because of your love for each other. There has to be something more than love. Of course, this is one of the most important factors in a relationship, but don’t forget about trust, loyalty, and respect for each other. When love is all that holds you together but do not have that, any other issues, do not give your partner another chance. If you have a solid foundation for a happy and healthy relationship, you need to consider it to have a second chance at life.

2. If It is Severe Enough To Destroy Your Foundation

The decision to give your partner a second chance in life, depends, really, on what they have done to get to that point in the first place. If you have the feeling that what he was doing was not serious enough to destroy the foundation of the relationship, it’s worth taking the time to think about it. There has been some resentment that the destruction of the relationship, and there is no going back. However, other things are a pair of close-by. If you feel like that’s the last one, of course, is to do whatever your heart (and mind) will force you to do so.) be happy.

3. If Actions Speak Louder Than Words

To find out whether your significant other is still a window of opportunity, you waive all of his or her actions. The words are nice, but to be honest, sometimes they don’t mean anything. If your partner says that he or she is going to change, but there has been no action to prove it, so why should I trust him or her? It’s good to get your significant other to have a chance to work with you if you have the feeling that he or she is making a big effort to find out what he or she deserves.

4. When The Both Of Them, Are Determined To Make It Work

Give your partner a chance, therefore, that there is hope, it is that what has happened is the first time it won’t happen again, but the old patterns of behaviour, don’t stop. We have to actively work to change the dynamic. If you are committed to making things work, and a trip to the therapy doesn’t make you want to jump out of the window, you don’t get another chance at what you love is hot.

5. When A Lesson is Learned

If someone does something bad it is, how do we know that they will not have to re-do it? As a rule, they do not do so because they have learned their lesson. However, if your partner has to conclude what he was doing, and now that she knows how to do it right, it’s good to have a second chance at life in order. If you feel you have to ensure that he or she does not understand the consequences of her actions, it just means that you need to learn about — and, unfortunately, nothing is going to change.

6. If They are genuinely Sorry

I am Sorry, but that does not work here. To profoundly move forward after you have done something wrong, you need to be aware of your role in this. They need to understand the pain that they have caused and are sorry.” If your spouse is not regretting what he did, what is it that keeps him or her from doing it again? It is the difference between an apology and an honest mistake. You will find out if your partner is being honest about your excuses. If it is genuine enough it will work out.

Love over sixty between false myths and reality of the body and heart

Heart pounding and shortness of breath. The hands that tremble, the passion that flares up. Common sense that turns into irrationality. The burning feeling that obliges one to do and say unspeakable things and apparently not in keeping with one's age. Emotions that become feelings and thoughts that detach from reality.

A recurring thought, which is a candidate to become an obsessive thought. These and many others are the symptoms of falling in love. And they are ageless. Among the urban legends about love, one unfortunately reigns supreme: youthful love can be passionate and irrational, it can overflow the banks of conscience, while adult and grizzled love absolutely not, it must wear the shoes of prudent love .

A common voice correlates the passion and elitist feeling of love to the chronological age of the protagonist of that couple bond; therefore, the ability to love after the "antas" is considered a risky, imprudent choice, bordering on recklessness and indecency.

This is a great falsehood, because the verb to love does not know age, skin color or gender. The average age has considerably lengthened, many diseases are treatable today, and aging is no longer combined with a worsening of psycho-physical health conditions.

The quality of life has improved globally, therefore, today's fifties and sixties correspond to yesterday's forties; and love and sex life belongs to the concept of quality of life.

To love, to get excited, to donate psychic parts of oneself and to get involved again, is an unequivocal sign of the fertility of existence.

Prudent love versus love and that's it

The word love doesn't go well with the term prudent, rational, weighted. Terms that clumsily and forcibly are associated with grizzled bonds. But does love age? A love without tachycardia and a good dose of enthusiasm, based on common sense and reasoning; a love that does not transform and that does not transform itself, that does not shift the barometer from reason to loss of control, is a sort of bad copy of the original feeling.

True love is not age related, but depends on many other elements that are sometimes present, other times not, regardless of age. There are prudent loves among young people and all-round loves among the over forties, and vice versa.

The homeopathic doses of feeling and the fear of letting go of love do not depend on the age of the protagonists of the couple bond, but on the defense mechanisms of the psyche, on how the partners were nourished in their respective childhood lands, and if they have really been nourished, by how much and how they are willing to invest in the couple's journey, and by that indispensable dose of healthy madness that belongs to those who really love. Love seduces and scares, so often, at all ages, short-term love affairs are preferred, with high emotional intensity, but with a low level of effort.

Youthful loves follow one another and represent the trials and errors of becoming an adult. Often fleeting, sometimes intense and destructive, other times they are ferry loves : they wear the clothes of Charon and help to pass through the land of adults. Grizzled loves are more aware loves.

Loves that have overcome the obligation to aesthetic perfectionism, able to let themselves be overwhelmed by the waves of emotion, without bumps and without too much slow motion.

Love and caution: alibi or reality?

The theory of caution at a certain age is quite frequent and sadly in use. Many protagonists of shipwrecked loves imagine their sentimental and sexual life as if it were a sort of flat calm. Thoughtful. Perhaps crowded in terms of the quantity of meetings to the detriment of the emotional quality because it is risky.

A sort of love multitasking that facilitates a multi-level relationship life, but prevents its depth. There is nothing more wrong. The sacred fire of love doesn't deal with the registry office, with the first wrinkles and graying hair, instead it characterizes courageous loves.

The bold. Those who still have so much to say and give themselves, ready to invest again and again, with a heart without fence walls, with a good dose of boldness and vitality, without reservations and without the most acrobatic strategies to balance emotional balances .

In love there are no budgets, accounts with the abacus or emotional compromises. There are no costs and benefits, who gives more and who less should reign supreme the ability and desire to love and be loved, in any season of life.

The emotions experienced at a certain age take on a more intense meaning, because they force us to come to terms with ourselves. As adults you shouldn't lie to yourself, you should already know what you no longer want from life and, why not, what you still want. Loving at all ages is the most powerful of the elixirs of life , because pleasure always remains a sentinel of life.

Love over sixty between false myths and reality of the body and heart

Grizzled loves create conflicting emotions: some shun them, some praise them. There are those who challenge biology and want to become a parent. Who has been in the past, but he was too young to be aware of and fully enjoy the joys of parenthood and want to try again in hindsight.

They are not tired bonds, characterized by emotional and sexual asthenia; they are bonds nourished and warmed by the awareness and playful relationship with sexuality and sexual health. They are certainly not lukewarm and bored loves, they are instead highly emotional bonds, with butterflies in the stomach of a teenager and a grateful gaze towards the life of an adult.

Many sixty-year-olds today have already crashed against the rocks of previous shipwrecked marriages, but despite the wounds of the heart they hope to be able to love once again, with the secret hope that this time is the right time.

Experienced couples, bored couples?

Not at all. They are couples who have substituted fear for the fullness of life, lack of knowledge of themselves and their partner for a more in-depth reading of the dynamics that characterize the couple's relationship; all warmed up by an empathetic and authentic dialogue.

This emotional climate nourished by a good relationship with oneself, with one's body and with one's world of impulses, makes the over fifty excellent lovers, who experience sexuality in a playful and conscious way, without the anxiety of performance and possible conception.

Loving extends life

Love with its hormonal and emotional bath extends life. Many studies show that over 65s in love live longer and in better health than singles, divorced and widowed people.

Salt and pepper hair does not correlate with the early retirement of love life and with life under the sheets, but with the courage to start over. Many men and many women are no longer satisfied with the half measures of living love: they close exhausted relationships, cut the dry leaves, and start over.

With enthusiasm, with love, with the heartbeat of falling in love, sometimes with a wedding ring on your finger. The desire to love and to love well survives the wear and tear of time that dusts everything and becomes a true cornerstone of many existences.

A love advanced in years has the power to make peace with love, takes on a repairing meaning, and is the healthy bearer of a great transformative force capable of healing the previous wounds of the heart.

Age does not protect against the fear of loving and from love, but love, on the other hand, protects against advancing age.