What is a relationship based on?
It is based on an affinity, but you didn't decide the affinity but the unconscious decided it. Affinity means you have chosen that woman, and thus that man has been chosen, not on the basis of a scheme, but on the basis of a perception, of something that she possesses and she has, and that I do not possess. She completes my half.
There is no peace in a relationship.
The great sages tell us that restlessness comes from the fact that we are a process in continuous transformation, we are transforming ourselves while we seek certainties, we continue to change, and relationships are made to take place in change.
So in restlessness we find tranquillity, but what is the relaxation that interests us? Not that of peace without jolts. Couples who don't fight break up. So what do we have to learn? To live among the waves, but to remind ourselves that there is an interval between the waves. The peace that exists among the tumultuous waves is what interests us. We learn not to let bad moods last, this is important, but don't avoid bad moods, and if it seems in a relationship that there are no bad moods it is because the relationship has just begun, bad moods will come.
We learn that after a quarrel the reason for the quarrel is over, we learn that being with yourself, and being with your partner is not remembering what went wrong, the wrongs we have suffered, the things that are still not right, a couple is made to realize itself, itself to both realize their nature and to share a part of the journey together. Lasting loves are loves made of distances, not of collapses where both merge into each other.
The worst couples are the ones in which each tries to change to make the other happy or worse still tries to make the other become like you have in mind. How do we know if we are on the right track? When the other is no longer indispensable, he is a travel companion, a good travel companion is not indispensable, if he becomes indispensable it means that I don't have my own space, so I have to worry.
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