Delirio collettivo: basta femminicidi

Quando un tragico fatto di cronaca nera viene trasformato in uno show mediatico si genera una vera e propria morbosità perdendo le dimensioni umane e sociali del problema.

Il caso di Giulia Cecchettin ripropone un problema che, almeno statisticamente, va ricondotto in termini complessivi corretti.

Per esempio si è detto e ribadito (senza arrivare al delirio di definirli addirittura “delitti di stato”, definizione comprensibile solo per il dolore della sorella della vittima, ma immediatamente sfruttato dai media e vergognosamente da alcune parti politiche) che per ridurre questi crimini occorrerebbe una serie di interventi legislativi e culturali.

A parte la nuova legge passata mercoledì anche al Senato, si è parlato di un delitto di “patriarcato” e la solita Schlein chiede di introdurre nei programmi scolastici la materia “Educazione dalle relazioni”.

Ricordando sommessamente che tutto il percorso pedagogico della scuola dovrebbe puntare proprio a questo, vanno però anche conosciute le dimensioni vere del fenomeno a sottolineare che - se prendiamo le statistiche disponibili a livello europeo in alcuni paesi considerati “progressisti” e pro LGBT+ - i femminicidi sono, rapportati alla popolazione, molto di più che in Italia.

Quanti sanno che in Lettonia vi è una percentuale di 4,09 casi annui su 100.000 abitanti rispetto allo 0,4 % dell’Italia, ovvero dieci volte tanto? Anche lì c’è un oscuro o bigotto “patriarcato” meloniano? Invece i casi sono molto meno numerosi nel sud dell’Europa che non in Germania, Francia, Croazia, Austria o Slovenia mentre il paese più “sicuro” per le donne è la Grecia con addirittura solo 0,16 casi ogni 100.000 abitanti e le proporzioni non cambiano se ci si limita a considerare i casi legati a conviventi o ex conviventi.

E’ ovvio che i delitti sono sempre tragicamente troppi, ma è difficile pensare che interventi legislativi possano incidere molto sui numeri assoluti del fenomeno, mentre il dato più allarmante è piuttosto che il 46% delle donne uccise nel 2022/23 si sarebbero precedentemente rivolte – evidentemente invano – alle Forze dell’ordine per denunciare violenze o minacce, ma la denuncia non era servita.

Più che il numero dei morti in sé si pone quindi il problema della violenza domestica che è da prendere molto di più in considerazione del singolo omicidio-show tenuto conto che moltissime donne probabilmente sopportano e non denunciano: avere il coraggio di farlo conoscendo i propri diritti e i comportamenti da tenere dopo una denuncia è il vero primo passo per salvarle.

In generale – come sottolinea una attenta ricerca di Openpolis - nonostante un’opinione diffusa legata a troppi film sulla mafia - l’Italia non è una società intrinsecamente violenta, perché presenta comunque il secondo dato più basso d’Europa per incidenza degli omicidi sul totale della popolazione: 0,48 ogni 100 mila abitanti, ben al di sotto della media Ue (0,89).

Anche per quanto riguarda gli omicidi di donne il dato italiano è inferiore alla media Ue (0,38 contro 0,66) ricordando che in Italia si è passati complessivamente dai 1442 omicidi del 1992 ai circa 700 l’anno all’inizio del nuovo secolo per scendere oggi a meno della metà di cui circa un terzo a danni di donne. Contano evidentemente la netta diminuzione delle stragi di mafia e di camorra con omicidi quasi sempre tra uomini.

Chiaramente vi sono fatti che più colpiscono la sensibilità e l’opinione pubblica, ma anche che “fanno audience” innestando lo show e la speculazione politica.

Anche perché, secondo i dati statistici del 2021, per esempio i giovani tra i 15 e i 24 anni morti in incidenti stradali sono stati più di uno al giorno (e i feriti ed invalidi uno sterminio): non sarebbero allora ben più urgenti corsi di educazione stradale? Eppure tra le vittime della strada nella fascia di età tra i 15 e 19 anni il numero di morti per milione di abitanti si alza a 51, in quella tra 20 e 24 (ovvero i neopatentati) addirittura schizza a 74, valori ben al di sopra delle medie continentali.

In questo triste conteggio gli omicidi rappresentano comunque meno dell’1 per mille delle morti in Italia, meno del 10% rispetto ai morti sulle strade e tutti gli omicidi non sono che un quarto rispetto ai morti sul lavoro (che superano ampiamente il migliaio) tanto da chiedersi se non sia più utile focalizzarsi piuttosto anche sulla prevenzione di queste morti che troppe volte ricevono ben poca attenzione dai media.

LET THOSE KIDS SEE

We never show the children's faces because of "privacy" and sometimes this makes sense, other times the choice is because those images could upset us. Perhaps we all need to see the disfigured faces and torn bodies of many children who suffer, killed or torn to pieces after attacks or bombings. It would help us better understand the horror and injustice of war by (finally) disturbing our delicate conscience.

I would also have liked to see the face of little Indi Gregory who would probably have died soon anyway, but for whom the British "justice" had to do its utmost to deliberately make her die immediately. When she was also taken off oxygen, she still lived (suffering?) a few hours.

It's always a question of conscience: if you have to take the life of an 8-month-old baby girl, then why keep alive terminally ill or elderly people, or injured people with no more hope? Be careful, because if we continue at this rate - without giving an ethical meaning to life - we will only care about those who are "suitable", "can serve", "can do it" (or have the money to be kept alive).

Chemistry of love

I'm falling in love? It may be, even if it's too early to say, in fact I've only known her for a little over a week and I haven't met yet even though I think about her constantly, and I don't know what her feelings are. But many signals tell me something could be born, I just have to understand if my brain thinks good.

Let's see with this article why we end up falling in love and what determines the state of being in love. After all, it seems to be just a question of chemistry, or maybe not?

Romantic films enchant us, two pigeons cooing on the roof opposite make us stay dreaming at the window, listening to the song of our first kiss in a completely unexpected way can move us, but love - regardless of how much we like to idealize it - does not it is nothing more than a sophisticated form of corruption of which we are all unaware victims.

Anecdotally, love is a matter of the heart. However, the main organ affected by love is actually the brain. Where is love “found” in the brain, and what does it do to our minds and bodies, according to science?

In reality, love in its various typologies (romantic, erotic, maternal) has rarely been the subject of scientific investigation in the past; in part, this may be due to the fact that love has always been the domain of poets and artists; perhaps psychologists and clinicians, but it has certainly not been taken into great consideration in the field of experimental science, i.e. neurobiological research.

Therefore, our knowledge in this field has yet to evolve and only recently has research brought to light detailed information on the molecular and physiological "ingredients" of the phenomenon of love.

The role of dopamine

The passion of love arouses feelings of euphoria and happiness that are often overwhelming and indescribable, because when we fall in love it is as if a chemical storm has been unleashed in the brain.

And the areas that activate in response to these feelings are the regions of the brain that contain high concentrations of a neuromodulator associated with reward, craving, addiction and euphoric states, namely dopamine. Dopamine is released by the hypothalamus, a structure located deep in the brain that serves as a link between the nervous and endocrine systems.

Love is a mutual giving and receiving of something very gratifying and therefore dopamine is produced both when we receive something pleasant from our partner and when we gratify him by transmitting our love to him.

The release of dopamine brings about the sensation of “feeling good” in several respects since dopamine appears to be linked not only to relationship formation but also to sex, which is considered a rewarding and “feel-good” exercise.

Another property of dopamine is that it is initially released only at the moment of excitement, but then the brain gets used to releasing it even before excitement, in anticipation of a hug, a kiss or even the simple presence of a loved one.

The role of serotonin

An increase in dopamine levels is also associated with a decrease in another neurotransmitter, serotonin. In particular, studies have shown a marked reduction in serotonin especially in the early stages of falling in love, just as occurs in patients suffering from obsessive disorders . Love, after all, is a kind of obsession , in its initial stages the thought is incessantly directed towards that single individual, he or she with whom we are falling in love; just as actions and behaviors are directed towards the purpose of getting closer to the partner.

This can therefore give us a "biological" reason why people in love tend to fixate on the object of their affection, narrowing the field of interests and thoughts to very little else.

Furthermore, precisely due to a reduction in serotonin levels, a substance involved in the process of mood regulation, if on the one hand we experience that intense euphoria mentioned above, on the other we are easily candidates for falling prey to anxiety and to sadness if we notice signs of rejection from the desired partner.

The role of nerve growth factor

The initial stages of falling in love also seem to correlate with another substance, nerve growth factor. This was found to be higher in those who have recently fallen in love than in those who are not in this condition or who have had a long-established relationship. A significant correlation was also found between nerve growth factor concentration and intensity of feeling.

The role of other neurotransmitters

Our nervous system also releases norepinephrine, the substance responsible for the physical effects of passion (feeling of heat, sweating, increased heart rate, tremor, insomnia ) which complement the sense of emotion and excitement.

Finally, in love passion, the production of endorphins increases which promote well-being and relaxation in a climate of stability and trust.

The seat of love: the brain areas

In human history we have always tried to identify the part of the body where emotions are formed, but today scientific research has given us the true seats of feelings and emotions. In fact, neuroimaging tools such as MRI (Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging) are used, which help us understand which brain areas are activated when we are in love. Some of these areas are located in the cerebral cortex itself and others are located in subcortical stations. They all make up parts of what is known as the emotional brain.

First we consider the hypothalamus, which we mentioned above in connection with the production of dopamine. Studies conducted on this structure have highlighted that the activation of the hypothalamus occurs both when experiencing feelings of "romantic" love and with sexual excitement, but not when we have feelings of "maternal" love.

An element of great interest was the discovery that these regions have inhibitory connections with other areas of the brain. That is, the frontal cortex, and the amygdala, a structure located at the apex of the temporal lobe.

Therefore we are witnessing the phenomenon whereby an increase in activity in some areas involved in love determines a decrease in activity in other cortical areas, with the consequences that we are going to examine.

Cortical deactivations and suspension of judgment

It is common observation that the all-encompassing passion of love is often accompanied by a suspension of judgment or a relaxation of the criteria of judgment with which we evaluate others. This critical ability is precisely a function of the frontal cortex. Its inactivation explains why, when we are deeply in love, we suspend the critical judgment that we apply in other contexts to evaluate people, situations or our behaviors.

Others are often surprised by certain choices made by those in the early stages of romantic infatuation, finding them irrational and incomprehensible. Indeed, in this particular emotional state, rational judgments are suspended or no longer applied with the same rigor. In this phase of the love story, the partner appears perfect , without defects, the only person to whom one wants to give attention and love.

Nor do moral censorships exist, because the ability to judge in moral matters is also attenuated, since morality is also associated with the activity of the frontal cortex.

The madness of love

Euphoria and suspension of judgment can generate states that other people might interpret as a form of insanity. This is the madness celebrated by poets and artists and certainly the neurological explanations of a deactivation of the brain parts involved in the creation of judgments helps better understand the obvious irrationality of love.

Nietzsche wrote in Thus Spoke Zarathustra: «There is always a little madness in love. But there is always a bit of reason in madness"

This reason is to be found precisely in the patterns of neurobiological activation and deactivation expected in love. These serve a sort of “higher purpose,” which aims to unite (otherwise unlikely) pairs to increase the variability of the species.

However, it should be underlined that if people in love suspend judgment on the people who are the object of their feelings, they do not necessarily suspend judgment in other fields. They might, for example, be perfectly capable of judging the quality of a book or scientific work.

Suspension of judgment, when it comes to love, is selective and acts on a very specific set of brain connections.

The other area of ​​the brain that undergoes a deactivation process during falling in love is the amygdala. A structure that coordinates responses to fear, helping human beings to stay as far away as possible from potentially dangerous situations.

Its deactivation leads to a reduction in responses to fear , with the consequence of putting oneself more easily in risky situations in order to be with the loved one.

But how long does the passion phase last?

According to the most recent studies, this "storm" of chemical transmitters lasts from 12/18 months up to about 3 years.

Then, inevitably, everything returns to normal. Sadly normal for those who need to experience love as an experience that is continually out of the ordinary. Hence the tension towards a new subject who can trigger those mechanisms of well-being, in search of another three years of happiness.

(I am not a doctor, nor a researcher, so much of this article, excluding personal reflections, was collected from the web. If anyone thinks I have broken any copyright rules, please tell me and I will immediately delete the text in question.)

Fake love

It is a request for help, a cry that finds no ears or heart to be accepted. I am a man who has discovered he feels alone again, yet surrounded by many, not recognized in his humanity, in his fragility; trapped in the suffering of a love apparently reciprocated but fake, in a parallel dimension hidden and cannot be understood. 

A journey into the dramatic representation of love. I'm not sure we understand how tiring it can be, in some phases of our lives, to be able to remember how important she is and how much I need her presence in mine and our mutual daily lives. 

How can I love if I don't understand if there is true love when I would like to love?

You lied to me, used me, deluded me and then you left with deception after squeezing me like a lemon.

You said I was too old for you, but that other man is even older than me. Your lies were like stabs in my back, I erased all memories of you, I don't want to know about you anymore, the pain you caused me is too great, now I just want to forget, quickly.

The best woman of your life

It seems simple, many think it's enough to show off their attributes, or be romantic, or appear intelligent and cultured, or simply show off their wallet to secure the best woman (here I'm only talking about women) available and everything works wonderfully. 

But no, it's not all that simple. There are limits that must be analyzed and discovered and given the right weight, nothing is easy, but if we are good then it will be forever. Never fool yourself. The variables are infinite and you always have to "stay on track" to maintain success.

1. Date someone who pays attention to you. Someone who looks you in the eyes when you speak instead of down at his phone. Someone who messages you first and grabs your hand during dates. Someone who remembers the little things about you because he actually gives a damn.

2. Date someone who goes out of his way for you. Someone who is willing to drive you miles just to eat at your favorite restaurant. Someone who will spend hours searching for the perfect present for you instead of choosing the first thing he sees. Someone who reschedules his entire week if it means he will get to see you for an extra hour.

3. Date someone who commits to you. Someone who deletes his Tinder account after your first date even online. Someone who deletes exes from his contact list because he doesn’t need them as booty calls anymore (as I did). Someone who talks about you all of the time with friends so there is no way anyone assumes he is single.

4. Date someone who encourages you to embrace who you really are inside. Someone who never mentions how you would look better with a different haircut or ten pounds lighter. Someone who tells you to wear what you are most comfortable wearing. Someone who likes you just the way you are and never pushes you to change.

5. Date someone who has fun when they are with you. Someone who laughs at your jokes, even when they are completely stupid. Someone who banters back and forth with you, even when you should have run out of things to say by now. Someone who can make you crack a smile, even when you are on the verge of breaking down in tears.

6. Date someone who takes care of you. Someone who will warm up soup for you when you have a cold. Someone who will clean up your messes when you’re drunk. Someone who will make sure you get home safe before falling asleep at night.

7. Date someone who handles conflict with maturity. Someone who lets you know when he is annoyed with you instead of bottling everything up inside. Someone who treats you with respect, even when he is struggling not to scream at you. Someone who is willing to make compromises when you can’t see eye-to-eye.

8. Date someone who is proud to be seen with you. Someone who introduces you to his parents, cousins, and grandparents. Someone who keeps a picture of you on his phone screen. Someone who rests a hand on your waist every time you leave the house, so that the world knows you are together.

9. Date someone who puts in constant effort. Someone who plans dates every once in a while so that you don’t have to lift a finger. Someone who knows how to cook and helps out with the cleaning. Someone who goes down on you so he isn’t the only one enjoying your sex life.

10. Date someone who is vulnerable in front of you. Someone who isn’t scared of his own feelings. Someone who is comfortable letting you watch him cry. Someone who never holds back around you, because he trusts you, because he feels safe around you.

11. Date someone who compliments you. Someone who makes you feel sexy, even when you are wearing jeans and a hoodie. Someone who looks at you like you are the most beautiful girl in any room. Someone who can’t keep his hands off of you.

12. Date someone who gets you excited about the future. Someone you are eager to live with. Someone you can’t wait to marry. Someone you are expecting to spend a lifetime alongside.

13. Date someone who loves you. Someone who feels as strongly about you as you feel about him. Someone who doesn’t want to live life without you. Someone who considers you his forever.